First my apologies for not writing anything sooner. We haven't really been extremely busy, it just always seems there are several distractions that always creep in to deter me from writing. But this morning the quietness beckons me to share.
From the very beginning of our commitment there was talk of personal retreats. Requirements of spiritual readings, retreats to learn about evangelization, and our own simple spiritual formation was all understood from our first meetings. So when Paul told us we were having a kick-off retreat, we thought to ourselves "alright, we'll get away to have a weekend to bond." What he told us next changed the whole outlook. "It's a man retreat" he said, "whole wild at heart style with fishing, guns, and 4-wheelers."
This was great news to my ears. A pet-peeve of mine is when something is called a retreat yet there are all types of sessions and activities. If a retreat is to get away and rest, it ends of not being a retreat because you end up participating in all types of activities, and staying up late having amazing conversations. At least for me anyway, the weekend is great, but I still leave tired and feel that I never really got away from what I was retreating from.
So when we heard it would be just the men at the camp, doing manly things, it was a sweet symphony to my ears. I felt as it we were just getting away, and everything was being taken care of.
My dad has always been enthusiastic about the outdoors. Even when I was two, he would bring home what he had taken from the hunt and show me. So by the time I was four, he was finding ways to bring me up into the deer stand with him. There were times he would even get me to ride piggy back, take ropes and tie me to his back so he could climb forty feet up into the tree to watch for deer.
The next day Paul sent us an email saying if we had guns or fishing poles to bring them. Instantly thoughts ran through my head "I'm the only one in this house that even owns a gun or a fishing pole."
The weekend kicked off with going to Blue Bayou water park! It was a blast and a half. We went down every slide and even rode the two biggest ones twice (definitely exceeding the four person weight limit for the ride). We left straight from the park to drive to Woodville Mississippi! (or as the locals pronouce, Wuvull). Paul knows someone who has a camp out there that they just let us use for our retreat at no cost! Such a blessing. It was more like a semi-mansion in the woods compared to the camp I grew up with.
We aslo had Father Michael from the Diocese of Lafayette joined us for his day off, which was a tremendous grace. Young, knows his stuff, and knew how to start a conversation.
Upon arriving Paul explained some of the ground rules for the camp, the items/equipment which we had access, and explained the 4-wheelers. It never occured to me that the other guys had never driven an ATV before. Scott explained that at Covecrest he was able to opperate a mule, but those are more like a mini jeep.
First night we just chilled, grilled, and had good discussion over dinner just sharing where we were in our spiritual walk and what we hoped to leave with from the trip.
The next day we all slept in a little, but just right up and started moving around to get some breakfast to face the day. After that, we headed out to shoot some skeet.
When we arrived at the back, Paul and Father Michael had already set up and were shooting a few. It was then I realized that the other guys have never even fired a gun. Tony had fired a handgun once, and Scott said he had used a shotgun before.
This threw me back to the first time I shot a gun. I was about eight when my dad bought me my first gun. It was a crack-barrel 4-10 shotgun. It was even too long for me to hold it so he took the butt off of the stock and sawed off a few inches then screwed the butt back on (even though it stuck out about an inch off the botton) so I could hold it. It brought me back to all of the places in my life where my dad took the time to show me something.
At that moment it struck me like a rock to the face. That they have not been initiated in those areas of their lives. Riding an ATV or shooting a gun is almost second nature to me.
In Fathered By God, John Eldredge discusses six stages in a man's life which are crucial to his development as a man. The stages he describes are being the Beloved Son, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King, and Sage. A progression that a man goes through in different aspects of living life as a man. The one that I was reminded of is that of the Cowboy. The lone ranger riding around in the desert rescuing the distressed lady from the desperados. Adventure, exploration, new experiences never before received.
But these don't come easy, and can be extremely dangerous when experienced alone. It takes a wiser man, someone who knows the trail to be able to show the way.
"The cowboy heart is wounded, or at least undeveloped, in a young man if he is never allowed to have adventure, and it is wounded if he has no one to take him there. . .A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves."
This started plucking the strings in my heart about the areas in my life that my parent's never taught me about, and the struggles and emotional scars I have from those experiences. Through trial and error, and of course spiritual hindsight, God showed me where He was in all of those situations.
Humility, now that is a difficult challenge. Humility is exactly where we were all called that weekend. It took a laying aside of my pride to show my brothers how to handle a shotgun (and actually humiliating when there were several times when they shot better than me).
When struggling about my vocation, whether or not to be a husband or an ordained priest, a wise spiritual director shared this. "First" he started, "you are a man. Before you can be a husband you have to be a man, and before you are a priest you have to be a man. So, my suggestion to you, learn how to be a man first, then you can ask God how He wants you to serve."
Exploration and Introspection. You have to first experience something in some way before you can contemplate what it means for you. I guess this is why God created everything but chose us as the object of His affection. So that through all experience the human heart can be able to cerebrate the mystery of God.
"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
We all share the common purpose to adore and worship the one true God who apart from Him, we are nothing. CCC2097.
So through this weekend of sharing my own experience, I received some. The reminder to remain humble, truly give thanks to God from whom all blessings flow, and that life continues on with new adventures and experiences just waiting to be stumbled upon.
His peace,
Colby
